A Tourist's Guide to Blunt
On the surface it may look like it’s full of nothing but crumbling buildings and shut-down factories, but there’s a lot more going on in Blunt than you might think. Take a look at the map and find out more below...
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Ctrl +/- to zoom in and out or click on the map to download a printable version.
Map key
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Crappy Tower
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Crappy Tower Interpretive Centre
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Crappy Bridge
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Fish Warehouse
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The Nervy Clam
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Erewok’s Cut Price Noodles
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Cheddar’s Curry House
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Portaloo Factory
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Breadcrumb Factory
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Mitten Factory
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Swimming Pool (Closed)
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Brain Street Flats
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New Prison
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Old Prison
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Shoe Stretching Plant
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Blunt Darts Palace
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Cathedral of St. Dolores of the Unending Sorrows
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Blunt Scout Den
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Goodtime Danny's (Old Bingo Hall)
20. Sports Complex
21. Christmas Tree Factory
22. Williams Furniture Store
23. Tweezers Factory
24. Toothbrush Holder Factory
25. Hosset’s Scrummy Sweet Depot
26. Humpty Depot
27. Humpty Depot
28. Humpty Depot
29. Humpty Depot
30. Porridge Plus!
31. City Hall
32. Blunt Police Station
33. Lexcorp
34. Hospital
35. Flount Collapsible Bridge
36. Mullet Road
37. Cringegrot School
38. Floating Sewage Works
39. Blunt Secretarial Academy
40. The Elbow
Some Highlights to Take In
Auntie Maggie’s Big Hairy Spider Emporium
Feeling brave? They come visit Auntie Maggie’s Big Hairy Spider Emporium! There are no cages or glass enclosures in Auntie Maggie’s. It is an open-air habitat in which the world’s largest, hairiest arachnids enjoy fresh air and wide open spaces where they can spin webs, climb trees, bask in the sunshine and sink their fangs into their prey and gorge on their blood in a family-friendly atmosphere.
Or maybe you want to get closer to nature. That’s so easy in Blunt! No matter where you go in town, you’ll be able to hear the braying of the donkeys at the world’s oldest AND largest donkey sanctuary. Take care however, because the donkeys of Blunt have been known to stampede. Every so often they’ll break out of their enclosures and go thundering through the streets of Blunt. Safety tip: If this happens, don’t jump into the river to escape. That’s the where the Blunt eels live, a species that is so vicious, nothing else will share the water with them.
The World's Largest Donkey Sanctuary
The Pyewkenoky Canal
Feeling romantic? Why not take an evening stroll along the Pyewkenoky Canal and watch the Sludge Barge pass by (don’t forget to hold your nose!). Or you can wander through the cobble-stone streets and watch the grey smoke from the Plastic Christmas Tree factory fall gently on everything. You know what they say: ‘You haven’t been to Blunt if you’re not covered in soot and coughing up a lung!’
Cathedral of St. Dolores of the Unending Sorrows
The famed Cathedral of St. Dolores of the Unending Sorrows stands on the corner of Shut Up Lane and Ingratitude Street. The steeple, which is 45 metres high, is one of Indigo McCloud’s favourite places. From here, he can keep a close eye on his sisters and protect the children of Blunt from their evil plans. Fun fact: The cathedral has been destroyed five times during its long history. Once by fire, once by termites, once by flood, and twice as a result of donkey stampedes.
The Crappy Tower
Everywhere you go in Blunt, you’ll be able to see The Crappy Tower, which was built from Spink Valley sandstone in 1974 as part of Blunt’s unsuccessful bid to host the World Wellie-Throwing Games. It was supposed to look like a Wellington boot, but because Spink Valley sandstone is soft and unsuitable for building, it has been badly eroded by the wind, making it tall and knobbly. Over time, the smoke from the Christmas-tree factory has deepened the tower’s pale shade of brown, making it look more like a piece of poo with each passing year. For that reason, the people of Blunt have been trying to get it demolished, but there never seems to be enough money to get the job done…
The Food District
Over on the eastern side of town, just across the river from The Eelfields, you’ll find Blunt’s food district where you can taste local delicacies like Scabby Cake and Cheeseless Wonders. Cheddar’s Curry House is of course the best-known restaurant in Blunt, and is particularly famous for two things: the strength of Cheddar’s curries and the effect they have on the digestive system. Cheddar’s squid jalfrezi is so hot that few people have ever managed to get through an entire plate. And every person who ever consumes any one of Cheddar Williams’s curries subsequently generates the most astonishingly smelly farts.
